Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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