I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
