i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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