I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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