Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
