her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
