If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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