one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
