Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
