I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
