Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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