This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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