she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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