just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
