Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
