she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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