so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
