i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
