I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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