shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
