Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
