So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
