I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
