Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
