you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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