The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
