p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
