The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
this hospital has no fireball
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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