best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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