No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
