the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
