Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
