Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
