I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
