just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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