You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
