She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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