why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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