I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
