I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I CAN MOONWALK!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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