I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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