It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My vagina is officially offended.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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