Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
