u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
