i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
