i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
