Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
