if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
