Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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