you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
