I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
