5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
